The Vidalia. Like The Onion, Only Sweeter. February 15, 2016
by M.Blazoned

Area Man was surprised when his “cool” wife was upset he didn’t do anything romantic for her on Valentine’s Day. Jason Reston of Portland, Oregon was confused because his wife is not the type to want a fancy overpriced dinner out with champagne and roses.

“I thought I knew her,” he said scratching his head. “I just never thought she was the kind of woman who would want me to do something to make her feel special on Valentine’s Day.” Jason went on to say that he wished there were some societal clues, or commercials, or a billion dollar business to help him figure that out.

“I wish someone had given me a heads up, ya know. So, I would have known that was a thing women liked on Valentine’s Day.”

“I feel like she’s to blame too,” Jason said while packing his bags. “I mean, she could have told me what she wanted, or even gone out and gotten it for herself and wrapped it from me.” Mr. Reston was very clear that he was 100% supportive of his wife spending a reasonable amount of money on something that would adequately express his romantic love for her without his being involved.

“I’m a romantic and I love my wife,” he added as he checked into the YMCA, “I just didn’t know there was a way or a specific day to express that.”


Related Posts

Manifest Dresstiny

Posted on
Do you remember when I posted this photo on Facebook? When I…

Rules for Being Meredith

Posted on
RULES FOR BEING MEREDITH Handed Down From Current Writing Software 1. You…

The Modern Midlife Crisis

Posted on
It’s not your parents’ midlife crisis. Hey, how’s your midlife crisis going?…

The Default Parent Resume

Posted on
Resumes are kind of my thing. My entire career has been evaluating applicants…

The Wubble Bubble Ball

Posted on
Remember Happy Fun Ball from Saturday Night Live’s greatest commercials? “It’s Happy…

Middle School in the 80s

Posted on
If the title of this doesn’t instantly traumatize you, you probably weren’t…

More Than My Minivan

Posted on
I get it. You don’t want a minivan. The entire idea of…

Melancholy Christmas

Posted on
Christmas is my favorite holiday. No surprise. It’s a lot of people’s…

We Means You

Posted on
There’s an age-old trick in the conversations of married couples dating back…

September is the Worst

Posted on
Not to be totally paranoid, but I’m pretty sure September is trying…

Vacation Daddy

Posted on
Something happens to my husband when we go on vacation. He turns…

Big Picture Parenting

Posted on
You ever wonder if you are doing a good job raising your…

The Default Parent™

Posted on
Are you the default parent? If you have to think about it,…

Parenting from the Couch

Posted on
Forget Tiger Moms and Helicopter Parenting and the latest parental wackiness I’m…

About Jugglers

Posted on
I was just thinking about jugglers. Because, of course I’m thinking about…

An Ode to Laundry

Posted on
Every minute of every day you wait patiently, a quandary, Oh, there…

Teenagers in the Mist

Posted on
Nestled deep within the quiet suburban setting, we come upon the natural…

One Comment

  1. Very witty! If you don’t know the satirical website Waterford Whispers, you should check out their articles. Yes some of them are specifically Irish humour, but many are hilarious and worth a read.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *