Welcome to M.Blazoned

“M. is a good friend you never knew until now.” 

A fan wrote that comment on my Facebook page and I loved it. I wasn't organized to have a goal when I started blogging, but if I did, it would have been that. To feel like a friend you never knew until you read my blogs.

I love this hat.

Life is crazy. Being human is challenging. Keeping up with your job, kids, relationship, and even your friends, can feel overwhelming at times. I hope my perspective can provide a little comic relief from both the mundane and the truly frustrating crap, so you know it's normal to both love your life and dream about packing a bag and running away.

I won't promise you much, but I promise you this. Whatever it is you think you are alone on, you're not. I write what's on my mind with lots of typos and a fair amount of swearing. I look for the honest hilarity in life, marriage, jobs, kids, and, reluctantly, being middle aged and share it with you in hopes it resonates and makes you laugh or think, or, hell, both.

Thanks for coming to my site, reading my words, and sharing them with your friends. Let's be weird blog friends. xo

M.

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Most Recent Blogs

The Joy of Summertime Mushy-Brained Kids

I saw an ad for some kind of tutoring for kids, I’m guessing. It said something like, “Kids lose 30% of their school learning during the summer.” I’m pretty sure they were hoping that I’d be frightened, concerned, worried. But my instant reaction was not only to think, “Good,” but to say it out loud…

Just Another Friday Night in Meradise

Let me start with, I worked until 7pm. On a Friday night. When I was finished I realized, with all that I did, I never made the presentation I was giving in St. Louis on Monday morning. Great. I’m no longer working for the weekend. I’m working on the weekend. Then I went to the…

The Wildly Unsurprising College Admissions Scandal

Ah, it’s that college acceptance/rejection time of year, and no better time to really look at the admissions scandal that “rocked” the nation. For starters, I don’t know why it has rocked anything, or how a single person who has had a child go through this process, or has gone through it themselves, or is…

Seven Signs of the Aging Apocalypse

Locust? Famine? Floods? You wish. Nope. The Aging Apocalypse is not the end of the world, just the end of your youth. And not just the gray hair, reading glasses, and overall crotchety demeanor you’ve been expecting. It’s far more nuanced. And, oh, it’s happening. The signs are there. I’ve been side eyeing them with…

The Wallet Years: The Worst Stage of Parenting?

There is much debate about the worst stage of parenting. Is it when they are newborns and don’t sleep? Is it when they are toddlers and you can’t leave them alone for a second? Perhaps all of those blurry elementary school years where they tell really bad jokes? Maybe tween snark? Or possibly teenage know-it-all…

When You Feel Fat For You

You know when you are feeling fat for you how you spend all the time you could be exercising on thinking about why you’ve put on so much weight. Like it’s a mystery. I blame the steroid I had to take for five days due to a cough that wouldn’t go away for five weeks…

My Baby Girl is Going to College

For the first time since my daughter started her senior year of high school it hit me. She’s going to college. I’m sitting here in my kitchen, still in my pajamas and glasses, watching videos of the schools she’s been accepted to and I’m crying. My baby girl is going to college. I’m not crying…

Doing Time in Elementary School

This is my 13th consecutive year with a child in elementary school. It’s also, finally, my last. I’ve done my time and when I get out on the other side, I won’t lie, I will be a changed woman. When I was sent to the big house back in 2005, I was thirty-five. I had…

Why I Wanted to Throw an Apple at My Husband’s Head for 20 Years

This is the somewhat true story of how my husband eating an apple in the car for twenty years nearly, but not really, led to our divorce. Let me start with my true but bizarre affliction…I have a fruit allergy. Actually, I might have a fruit allergy. I’m too lazy to go to an allergist…

The Hair Pulling Madness of the Campus Tour

I was a tour guide in college. I worked in admissions. I’ve consulted with students applying to college. I know campus tours. I believe in campus tours. My advice has long been to take official campus tours. Get a feel for the school when students are on campus. See a variety of settings and sizes.…

M.'s Favorites

The Legend of The Fourth of July in My Hometown

When I was growing up, July 4th was my favorite holiday. Forget the high holy days, or even the guaranteed full-size Snickers at that weird lady’s house down the street ...
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Doing Time in Elementary School

This is my 13th consecutive year with a child in elementary school. It’s also, finally, my last. I’ve done my time and when I get out on the other side, ...
Read More

When You Feel Fat For You

You know when you are feeling fat for you how you spend all the time you could be exercising on thinking about why you've put on so much weight. Like ...
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The Six Fighting Words All Couples Know and Hate

After being married for two decades, I’ve noticed a couple of things about arguing with my husband. Probably the most surprising thing is the complete lack of variety. We basically ...
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Vacation or Trip? A Helpful Guide for Parents

So, you’re headed out on a family vacation this summer. Great news! But are you sure? Are you sure it’s a vacation? You might want to think about that for ...
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Seven Signs of the Aging Apocalypse

Locust? Famine? Floods? You wish. Nope. The Aging Apocalypse is not the end of the world, just the end of your youth. And not just the gray hair, reading glasses, ...
Read More

Enjoy Every Minute of It? Do You Even Have Kids?

"Enjoy every minute of it" is the most well-meaning piece of parenting advice, and yet, the most ridiculously delusional. This sentiment is the hallmark of parents suffering from some kind ...
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Things I Want To Complain About That Make Me An Asshole

Years ago, we were living in a teeny tiny, can’t stand up straight upstairs, cape with barely two bathrooms, and we were redoing the one downstairs. I was talking to ...
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My Baby Girl is Going to College

For the first time since my daughter started her senior year of high school it hit me. She’s going to college. I’m sitting here in my kitchen, still in my ...
Read More

My Love Hate Relationship with Christmas Cards

For the first time in over five years we are sending out a Christmas card. I quit the Christmas card business randomly and thought I’d never send them out again. ...
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The Modern Midlife Crisis

It's not your parents' midlife crisis. Hey, how’s your midlife crisis going? Mine’s great, thanks for asking. I can no longer read anything on my phone, my teeth are cracking ...
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Escaping Your Inner Voice Captor

My inner voice is an asshole. For as long as I can remember, even as far back as elementary school, it taught me important things like, You’re not good at ...
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Vacation Daddy

Something happens to my husband when we go on vacation. He turns into what we refer to as, Vacation Daddy. The normally sensible guy who makes everyone in the family ...
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Don’t Celebrate Your Kid’s Half Birthday, And Other Valuable Parenting Advice You Should Ignore

I’m not a big fan of giving or getting parenting advice. You get to screw up your kids. I get to screw up mine. All well-meaning advice by burnt out ...
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The Night I Became "That Parent"

You know how when you were growing up you said you’d never be like one of those out of touch parents? Even when you had your kids you vowed you’d ...
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The Default Parent™

Are you the default parent? If you have to think about it, you’re not. You’d know. Trust me. The default parent is the one responsible for the emotional, physical and ...
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To the "Not to be nitpicky, but…" People

Someone started a comment to one of my blogs with, “Not to be nitpicky, but…” and then, shocker, went on to be nitpicky. She offered some handy facts no one ...
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Open Letter To My Kids About Summer

Hey Kids, Feel free to leave your stuff wherever you want this summer. Half drunk smoothies in the family room? No problem. I got it. Socks in the hall. I'm ...
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The Default Parent Resume

Resumes are kind of my thing. My entire career has been evaluating applicants on their professional experience, but lately it occurs to me that huge chunks of skills and talents are ...
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We Means You

There’s an age-old trick in the conversations of married couples dating back to the days of ancient hieroglyphics, probably. It is so simple, so subtle, so cunning, it mostly goes ...
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September is the Worst

Not to be totally paranoid, but I’m pretty sure September is trying to kill me. Forget December and the holiday madness, there is something worse. It’s called, Back-to-School and it ...
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Teenagers in the Mist

Nestled deep within the quiet suburban setting, we come upon the natural habitat of the complex human, known as The Teen. It is here this group of post-pubescent homo sapiens ...
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When Midnight Hits and You’re Wide Awake

I don’t have insomnia. I feel like insomnia is like depression, we all experience it from time to time but not everyone legit has it and we shouldn’t throw it ...
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The Wallet Years: The Worst Stage of Parenting?

There is much debate about the worst stage of parenting. Is it when they are newborns and don’t sleep? Is it when they are toddlers and you can’t leave them ...
Read More

Just Another Friday Night in Meradise

Let me start with, I worked until 7pm. On a Friday night. When I was finished I realized, with all that I did, I never made the presentation I was ...
Read More

Cheating Death: 30 Years of Borrowed Time

We weren’t doing anything wrong. We weren’t drinking or doing drugs. We were good kids hanging out on the last night of summer. But that Sunday night of Labor Day ...
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The Beautiful Maddening Contradiction of Teenagers

I happen to love teenagers. Both the ones I’ve worked with for years and, most of the time, my own. I know, I know. I thought I was supposed to ...
Read More

The Wildly Unsurprising College Admissions Scandal

Ah, it’s that college acceptance/rejection time of year, and no better time to really look at the admissions scandal that “rocked” the nation. For starters, I don’t know why it ...
Read More

33 Self-Improvement Thingees to Read and Then Quickly Forget

I don’t know about you but I’m overwhelmed by all of the numerical lists that have somehow found the exact number of things I need to do...or to give up...or to ...
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End of School Madness is Upon Us

Did I say September was the worst? I might have to retract that and put May in the top spot. It’s two weeks until school gets out and, to put ...
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45 Years Old Isn’t the "New" Anything

Turns out 45 years old is just 45 years old. An age that means you are old enough to not feel young anymore, but not old enough to complain about ...
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Hey Mom and Dad, Applying to College Is Killing My Mojo

I have a vague recollection of my life before I was applying to college. There was this magical thing called free time. We had other things to talk about. My ...
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The Hair Pulling Madness of the Campus Tour

I was a tour guide in college. I worked in admissions. I’ve consulted with students applying to college. I know campus tours. I believe in campus tours. My advice has ...
Read More

Hamilton Tickets: The Dumbest, Best Money We’ve Ever Spent

Have you heard about Hamilton? The run-away smash hit musical currently dominating all of Broadway and the minds and heart of teenagers and their parents around the world? It’s a ...
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Why I Wanted to Throw an Apple at My Husband’s Head for 20 Years

This is the somewhat true story of how my husband eating an apple in the car for twenty years nearly, but not really, led to our divorce. Let me start ...
Read More

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