Welcome to M.Blazoned

“M. is a good friend you never knew until now.” 

A fan wrote that comment on my Facebook page and I loved it. I wasn't organized to have a goal when I started blogging, but if I did, it would have been that. To feel like a friend you never knew until you read my blogs.

I love this hat.

Life is crazy. Being human is challenging. Keeping up with your job, kids, relationship, and even your friends, can feel overwhelming at times. I hope my perspective can provide a little comic relief from both the mundane and the truly frustrating crap, so you know it's normal to both love your life and dream about packing a bag and running away.

I won't promise you much, but I promise you this. Whatever it is you think you are alone on, you're not. I write what's on my mind with lots of typos and a fair amount of swearing. I look for the honest hilarity in life, marriage, jobs, kids, and, reluctantly, being middle aged and share it with you in hopes it resonates and makes you laugh or think, or, hell, both.

Thanks for coming to my site, reading my words, and sharing them with your friends. Let's be weird blog friends. xo

M.

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Most Recent Blogs

The True Story of My Free 3-Month Trial of the Peloton App

You guys, this is a true story. Missing my hot yoga classes, my super fit husband mentioned how much he was enjoying the free 3-month trial of the Peloton app, so I thought I’d give it a go. Okay, I know those of you who know me personally are already laughing. First of all, how…

Don’t Go Down To The Basement: Coronavirus Edition

If you grew up in the 70s and 80s, you are well versed in the horror movie genre of that time. It was a formula that played out exactly the same way in every movie, but still had you freaked the hell out every time. Basically, it was a “what not to do” guide for…

Scattered Thoughts on My First Pandemic

Hey there, I’m new to pandemics, and let me just say, I’m not a fan. Right? I’ll be honest with you, I spent the last 3+ years doing some intentional social distancing for a lot of reasons. I’m not saying that this pandemic is my fault, but I did very vocally declare 2020 to be…

Gen Xers, Unite! Or Don’t. Whatever.

You’ve got to hand it to Gen Xers. We have been so ambivalent about everything we have finally been totally forgotten. I saw some nonsense poll on the news about generations and they had Baby Boomers, Millennials, and Gen Z. I was like, “Well, holy crap, they’ve just stopped acknowledging we exist.” This should surprise…

Why I’m Suddenly Obsessed with Brad and Jen

What hasn’t been said about this encounter and these photos? Well, I don’t know because I’m not super on top of things. But, here’s what I have to say… I’ve never been obsessed with Brad and Jen. Mostly because I’m obsessed with Jen for myself. Not in a “I’m hot for her way” (not that…

Peloton Bike Ad is Refreshingly Honest

So, I finally watched the now famous Peloton bike ad. I know, I’m living in a cave. I’m sure it’s all been said, but, for what it’s worth, here’s my take. The gift itself seems thoughtful, crazy expensive, but thoughtful. I’ve considered getting one for my husband because he’s addicted to running, but injured, which,…

The Week Before Family Vacation

You’re not going anywhere until you survive the week before, which is a series of physical and emotional challenges that will push the limits of your marriage, make you question your love of your children, and make you question ever planning a trip in the first place.

The Wildly Unsurprising College Admissions Scandal

Ah, it’s that college acceptance/rejection time of year, and no better time to really look at the admissions scandal that “rocked” the nation. For starters, I don’t know why it has rocked anything, or how a single person who has had a child go through this process, or has gone through it themselves, or is…

Seven Signs of the Aging Apocalypse

Locust? Famine? Floods? You wish. Nope. The Aging Apocalypse is not the end of the world, just the end of your youth. And not just the gray hair, reading glasses, and overall crotchety demeanor you’ve been expecting. It’s far more nuanced. And, oh, it’s happening. The signs are there. I’ve been side eyeing them with…

The Wallet Years: The Worst Stage of Parenting?

There is much debate about the worst stage of parenting. Is it when they are newborns and don’t sleep? Is it when they are toddlers and you can’t leave them alone for a second? Perhaps all of those blurry elementary school years where they tell really bad jokes? Maybe tween snark? Or possibly teenage know-it-all…

M.'s Favorites

When You Feel Fat For You

You know when you are feeling fat for you how you spend all the time you could be exercising on thinking about why you've put on so much weight. Like ...
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Teenagers in the Mist

Nestled deep within the quiet suburban setting, we come upon the natural habitat of the complex human, known as The Teen. It is here this group of post-pubescent homo sapiens ...
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To the "Not to be nitpicky, but…" People

Someone started a comment to one of my blogs with, “Not to be nitpicky, but…” and then, shocker, went on to be nitpicky. She offered some handy facts no one ...
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The Six Fighting Words All Couples Know and Hate

After being married for two decades, I’ve noticed a couple of things about arguing with my husband. Probably the most surprising thing is the complete lack of variety. We basically ...
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Vacation Daddy

Something happens to my husband when we go on vacation. He turns into what we refer to as, Vacation Daddy. The normally sensible guy who makes everyone in the family ...
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The Beautiful Maddening Contradiction of Teenagers

I happen to love teenagers. Both the ones I’ve worked with for years and, most of the time, my own. I know, I know. I thought I was supposed to ...
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September is the Worst

Not to be totally paranoid, but I’m pretty sure September is trying to kill me. Forget December and the holiday madness, there is something worse. It’s called, Back-to-School and it ...
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The Wallet Years: The Worst Stage of Parenting?

There is much debate about the worst stage of parenting. Is it when they are newborns and don’t sleep? Is it when they are toddlers and you can’t leave them ...
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Why I Wanted to Throw an Apple at My Husband’s Head for 20 Years

This is the somewhat true story of how my husband eating an apple in the car for twenty years nearly, but not really, led to our divorce. Let me start ...
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Doing Time in Elementary School

This is my 13th consecutive year with a child in elementary school. It’s also, finally, my last. I’ve done my time and when I get out on the other side, ...
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Gen Xers, Unite! Or Don’t. Whatever.

You’ve got to hand it to Gen Xers. We have been so ambivalent about everything we have finally been totally forgotten. I saw some nonsense poll on the news about ...
Read More

When Midnight Hits and You’re Wide Awake

I don’t have insomnia. I feel like insomnia is like depression, we all experience it from time to time but not everyone legit has it and we shouldn’t throw it ...
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45 Years Old Isn’t the "New" Anything

Turns out 45 years old is just 45 years old. An age that means you are old enough to not feel young anymore, but not old enough to complain about ...
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The Modern Midlife Crisis

It's not your parents' midlife crisis. Hey, how’s your midlife crisis going? Mine’s great, thanks for asking. I can no longer read anything on my phone, my teeth are cracking ...
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Open Letter To My Kids About Summer

Hey Kids, Feel free to leave your stuff wherever you want this summer. Half drunk smoothies in the family room? No problem. I got it. Socks in the hall. I'm ...
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Peloton Bike Ad is Refreshingly Honest

So, I finally watched the now famous Peloton bike ad. I know, I'm living in a cave. I'm sure it's all been said, but, for what it's worth, here's my ...
Read More

End of School Madness is Upon Us

Did I say September was the worst? I might have to retract that and put May in the top spot. It’s two weeks until school gets out and, to put ...
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Hey Mom and Dad, Applying to College Is Killing My Mojo

I have a vague recollection of my life before I was applying to college. There was this magical thing called free time. We had other things to talk about. My ...
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Cheating Death: 30 Years of Borrowed Time

We weren’t doing anything wrong. We weren’t drinking or doing drugs. We were good kids hanging out on the last night of summer. But that Sunday night of Labor Day ...
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The Default Parent™

Are you the default parent? If you have to think about it, you’re not. You’d know. Trust me. The default parent is the one responsible for the emotional, physical and ...
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The Hair Pulling Madness of the Campus Tour

I was a tour guide in college. I worked in admissions. I’ve consulted with students applying to college. I know campus tours. I believe in campus tours. My advice has ...
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Scattered Thoughts on My First Pandemic

Hey there, I’m new to pandemics, and let me just say, I’m not a fan. Right? I'll be honest with you, I spent the last 3+ years doing some intentional ...
Read More

We Means You

There’s an age-old trick in the conversations of married couples dating back to the days of ancient hieroglyphics, probably. It is so simple, so subtle, so cunning, it mostly goes ...
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The Legend of The Fourth of July in My Hometown

When I was growing up, July 4th was my favorite holiday. Forget the high holy days, or even the guaranteed full-size Snickers at that weird lady’s house down the street ...
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My (Not At All Far-Fetched) Turning 50 Plan

I have decided tonight that my plan for turning 50 in seven months is simple. I’m going to get incredibly fit. (I’m not.) I’m picking now because all those other ...
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Enjoy Every Minute of It? Do You Even Have Kids?

"Enjoy every minute of it" is the most well-meaning piece of parenting advice, and yet, the most ridiculously delusional. This sentiment is the hallmark of parents suffering from some kind ...
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The Wildly Unsurprising College Admissions Scandal

Ah, it’s that college acceptance/rejection time of year, and no better time to really look at the admissions scandal that “rocked” the nation. For starters, I don’t know why it ...
Read More

The Default Parent Resume

Resumes are kind of my thing. My entire career has been evaluating applicants on their professional experience, but lately it occurs to me that huge chunks of skills and talents are ...
Read More

The True Story of My Free 3-Month Trial of the Peloton App

You guys, this is a true story. Missing my hot yoga classes, my super fit husband mentioned how much he was enjoying the free 3-month trial of the Peloton app, ...
Read More

Seven Signs of the Aging Apocalypse

Locust? Famine? Floods? You wish. Nope. The Aging Apocalypse is not the end of the world, just the end of your youth. And not just the gray hair, reading glasses, ...
Read More

Hamilton Tickets: The Dumbest, Best Money We’ve Ever Spent

Have you heard about Hamilton? The run-away smash hit musical currently dominating all of Broadway and the minds and heart of teenagers and their parents around the world? It’s a ...
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Vacation or Trip? A Helpful Guide for Parents

So, you’re headed out on a family vacation this summer. Great news! But are you sure? Are you sure it’s a vacation? You might want to think about that for ...
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