A Quick Guide for Staying Young

If you’re anywhere near middle aged, you are assaulted on the daily with miracle anti-aging serums and creams to keep you young. Now, all of these are bullshit, and, also, I buy many of them. Both things can be true. But I’m starting to think that maybe staying young has almost nothing to do with…

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Middle School in the 80s

If the title of this doesn’t instantly traumatize you, you probably weren’t a teenager in the 80s. I don’t know a single person who grew up in the 80s who liked middle school. Or at least a single girl. I really had no idea what the boys were up to, other than not being into…

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A Post Breakup Letter to My Forties

Dear Forties, Hello. Hello. It’s me. I know things have been over between us for a few weeks, but I feel like there’s so much we left unsaid, and, I’ll just say it, I miss you.  I know, I know, I know. You told me that I would. That as bad as things got towards…

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Gen Xers, Unite! Or Don’t. Whatever.

You’ve got to hand it to Gen Xers. We have been so ambivalent about everything we have finally been totally forgotten. I saw some nonsense poll on the news about generations and they had Baby Boomers, Millennials, and Gen Z. I was like, “Well, holy crap, they’ve just stopped acknowledging we exist.” This should surprise…

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My (Not At All Far-Fetched) Turning 50 Plan

I have decided tonight that my plan for turning 50 in seven months is simple. I’m going to get incredibly fit. (I’m not.) I’m picking now because all those other years when I was younger were too easy. (I was lazy then too.) I like a challenge. (I promise you, I don’t.) And I think,…

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The Week Before Family Vacation

You’re not going anywhere until you survive the week before, which is a series of physical and emotional challenges that will push the limits of your marriage, make you question your love of your children, and make you question ever planning a trip in the first place.

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The Wallet Years: The Worst Stage of Parenting?

There is much debate about the worst stage of parenting. Is it when they are newborns and don’t sleep? Is it when they are toddlers and you can’t leave them alone for a second? Perhaps all of those blurry elementary school years where they tell really bad jokes? Maybe tween snark? Or possibly teenage know-it-all…

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The Family Dinner Horror Show

I have never liked horror movies. It was one and done for me. I still can’t even think about the Exorcist without covering my ears and saying, “La, la, la, la, la.” But lately, I’ve been longing for something as simple as a demon-possessed child with a spinning head. A creepy clown offering kids a…

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