Everything I Know About Menopause

So, I don’t want to disappoint you, but what I know about menopause is basically nothing.  You’d think, maybe, that since I’m a female person who is fairly well-educated and has managed to live to be over a half a century old that I’d know something about menopause. Welp, not so much. What I know…

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The Curious Language of “I’m Sorry”

A good decade ago, a close friend of mine came over on Easter and presented me with a platter of gorgeous gourmet cupcakes and said, “I’m sorry.” I don’t remember exactly what my response was, but I’m pretty sure it was something like, “No, I’m sorry.” It got me wondering why women speak to each…

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A Quick Guide for Staying Young

If you’re anywhere near middle aged, you are assaulted on the daily with miracle anti-aging serums and creams to keep you young. Now, all of these are bullshit, and, also, I buy many of them. Both things can be true. But I’m starting to think that maybe staying young has almost nothing to do with…

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Why I’m Suddenly Obsessed with Brad and Jen

What hasn’t been said about this encounter and these photos? Well, I don’t know because I’m not super on top of things. But, here’s what I have to say… I’ve never been obsessed with Brad and Jen. Mostly because I’m obsessed with Jen for myself. Not in a “I’m hot for her way” (not that…

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Manifest Dresstiny

Do you remember when I posted this photo on Facebook? When I had seen this semi-silly dress advertised on Insta in the wee hours of the morning and delirious thought that I could buy it, look like that in it, and somehow manifest myself to Greece? Well, guess what motherfuckahs….????….. I booked a trip to…

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The Joy of Not Caring About Stuff

I have no idea why we care about some things deeply, and other things we have no interest in at all. Take the eclipse. I’m super gung-ho about the eclipse, but hell, I get wildly pumped up for a full moon every month, and find a clear starry night to hold romance, mystery, and, possibly,…

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Escaping Your Inner Voice Captor

My inner voice is an asshole. For as long as I can remember, even as far back as elementary school, it taught me important things like, You’re not good at art. You suck a dodge ball. Your bangs are dumb looking. You can’t spell. But like a hostage with a diabolical captor, I didn’t know…

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M.Blazoned’s Ridiculous 2016 Book List

Like all good bloggers, I’d like to share with you my favorite reads of the year because I read a lot, because people who read a lot are super smart and interesting, and I’m super smart and interesting. But I don’t like to brag, so I’ll just give you the few that really had an…

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I Wish I Packed My Army Green Pants, A Memoir

I Wish I Packed My Army Green Pants  -A Memoir by M.Blazoned Six days, a 35 lb. bag, and three pairs of indigo wash jeans she is allergic to, Meredith has a sinking feeling she blew the entire thing by leaving her army green pants behind. This heartwarming tale that is truly as old as…

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