Got Kids? Need Laughs?
The Week Before Family Vacation
You’re not going anywhere until you survive the week before, which is a series of physical and emotional challenges that will push the limits of your marriage, make you question your love of your children, and make you question ever planning a trip in the first place.
Read MoreThe Wallet Years: The Worst Stage of Parenting?
There is much debate about the worst stage of parenting. Is it when they are newborns and don’t sleep? Is it when they are toddlers and you can’t leave them alone for a second? Perhaps all of those blurry elementary school years where they tell really bad jokes? Maybe tween snark? Or possibly teenage know-it-all…
Read MoreDon’t Celebrate Your Kid’s Half Birthday, And Other Valuable Parenting Advice You Should Ignore
I’m not a big fan of giving or getting parenting advice. You get to screw up your kids. I get to screw up mine. All well-meaning advice by burnt out parents should be ignored. But, seriously, don’t celebrate your kid’s half birthday. You know why? Because you think it’s cute that one time but then…
Read MoreDoing Time in Elementary School
This is my 13th consecutive year with a child in elementary school. It’s also, finally, my last. I’ve done my time and when I get out on the other side, I won’t lie, I will be a changed woman. When I was sent to the big house back in 2005, I was thirty-five. I had…
Read MoreThe Night I Became "That Parent"
You know how when you were growing up you said you’d never be like one of those out of touch parents? Even when you had your kids you vowed you’d never be so unoriginal and lazy that you’d rely on age-old parental drivel that doesn’t even make sense. There were even phrases you swore you…
Read MoreThe Hair Pulling Madness of the Campus Tour
I was a tour guide in college. I worked in admissions. I’ve consulted with students applying to college. I know campus tours. I believe in campus tours. My advice has long been to take official campus tours. Get a feel for the school when students are on campus. See a variety of settings and sizes.…
Read MoreIn (Mild) Defense of the Elf on the Shelf
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a prime candidate to hate this ridiculous Elf on a Shelf tradition. For starters, I’m lazy AF. I am. One of my worst character traits. I try to imagine that in a past life it was my very laziness that saved me. Like all the cave people went out…
Read MoreVacation Daddy
Something happens to my husband when we go on vacation. He turns into what we refer to as, Vacation Daddy. The normally sensible guy who makes everyone in the family insane with his calculated overthinking on everything from how much toilet paper should be used, to the exact dollar amount needed for comfortable retirement is…
Read MoreEnd of School Madness is Upon Us
Did I say September was the worst? I might have to retract that and put May in the top spot. It’s two weeks until school gets out and, to put it lightly, and quote the Party Rockin Anthem by LMFAO, “Everyday I’m shuff-a-ling.’” It’s 10:55pm and I’m sorting through my overgrown email inbox like a…
Read MoreEnjoy Every Minute of It? Do You Even Have Kids?
“Enjoy every minute of it” is the most well-meaning piece of parenting advice, and yet, the most ridiculously delusional. This sentiment is the hallmark of parents suffering from some kind of advanced parental amnesia where the reality of having kids has been replaced with the idea that a gratitude journal is the answer to all…
Read More