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Manifest Dresstiny

Do you remember when I posted this photo on Facebook? When I had seen this semi-silly dress advertised on Insta in the wee hours of the morning and delirious thought that I could buy it, look like that in it, and somehow manifest myself to Greece? Well, guess what motherfuckahs….????….. I booked a trip to…

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Just Another Friday Night in Meradise

Let me start with, I worked until 7pm. On a Friday night. When I was finished I realized, with all that I did, I never made the presentation I was giving in St. Louis on Monday morning. Great. I’m no longer working for the weekend. I’m working on the weekend. Then I went to the…

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Seven Signs of the Aging Apocalypse

Locust? Famine? Floods? You wish. Nope. The Aging Apocalypse is not the end of the world, just the end of your youth. And not just the gray hair, reading glasses, and overall crotchety demeanor you’ve been expecting. It’s far more nuanced. And, oh, it’s happening. The signs are there. I’ve been side eyeing them with…

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Christine Blasey Ford, I Am With You

I’m having trouble working or concentrating today. As I sit in my house, far from the reality of what Christine Blasey Ford is experiencing at the cold hands of our government, I somehow feel like I’m experiencing it with her. When she speaks my body reacts with a nervousness of stress that is unreasonable given…

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When You Feel Fat For You

You know when you are feeling fat for you how you spend all the time you could be exercising on thinking about why you’ve put on so much weight. Like it’s a mystery. I blame the steroid I had to take for five days due to a cough that wouldn’t go away for five weeks…

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My Baby Girl is Going to College

For the first time since my daughter started her senior year of high school it hit me. She’s going to college. I’m sitting here in my kitchen, still in my pajamas and glasses, watching videos of the schools she’s been accepted to and I’m crying. My baby girl is going to college. I’m not crying…

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We Means You

There’s an age-old trick in the conversations of married couples dating back to the days of ancient hieroglyphics, probably. It is so simple, so subtle, so cunning, it mostly goes undetected. It is a harmless pronoun that to the naked ear sounds innocent, inclusive even. But beware. It’s a trap. When someone you are in…

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The Legend of The Fourth of July in My Hometown

When I was growing up, July 4th was my favorite holiday. Forget the high holy days, or even the guaranteed full-size Snickers at that weird lady’s house down the street on Halloween. It was the Fourth of July I lived for. I lived in a charming little beach town on the shoreline of Connecticut called,…

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Things I Want To Complain About That Make Me An Asshole

Years ago, we were living in a teeny tiny, can’t stand up straight upstairs, cape with barely two bathrooms, and we were redoing the one downstairs. I was talking to a friend who had just built a huge-ass mansion and when I confessed I was stressed out about picking out tile she said, “Imagine picking…

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"Things I Want To Complain About That Make Me An Asshole": https://www.mblazoned.com/things-i-want-to-complain-about-that-make-me-an-asshole/