Being Human
Don’t Go Down To The Basement: Coronavirus Edition
If you grew up in the 70s and 80s, you are well versed in the horror movie genre of that time. It was a formula that played out exactly the same way in every movie, but still had you freaked the hell out every time. Basically, it was a “what not to do” guide for…
Read MoreThe Joy of Summertime Mushy-Brained Kids
I saw an ad for some kind of tutoring for kids, I’m guessing. It said something like, “Kids lose 30% of their school learning during the summer.” I’m pretty sure they were hoping that I’d be frightened, concerned, worried. But my instant reaction was not only to think, “Good,” but to say it out loud…
Read MoreWhen You Feel Fat For You
You know when you are feeling fat for you how you spend all the time you could be exercising on thinking about why you’ve put on so much weight. Like it’s a mystery. I blame the steroid I had to take for five days due to a cough that wouldn’t go away for five weeks…
Read MoreWhen Midnight Hits and You’re Wide Awake
I don’t have insomnia. I feel like insomnia is like depression, we all experience it from time to time but not everyone legit has it and we shouldn’t throw it around willy-nilly. But, it’s midnight and I find myself wide-awake. Why I’m awake is anyone’s guess. Maybe it’s because last night I hardcore fell into…
Read MoreAbout Jugglers
I was just thinking about jugglers. Because, of course I’m thinking about jugglers. They are kind of like the Olympians. Stay with me here. When you see a juggler you are like, “Wow.” But then your brain starts to deaden to their tricks. Like Olympians. You start to be unimpressed. You start to have fantasies…
Read MoreThe Anti-New Year’s Resolutions Revolution
There are so many things about myself I “should” try to change. Here’s the short list because I like myself this morning. I pretty much stopped working out all together when I went from part-time to full-time, and before that I was inconsistent at best. In the past two weeks I’ve eaten enough sugar-based foods…
Read MoreThe Family Dinner Horror Show
I have never liked horror movies. It was one and done for me. I still can’t even think about the Exorcist without covering my ears and saying, “La, la, la, la, la.” But lately, I’ve been longing for something as simple as a demon-possessed child with a spinning head. A creepy clown offering kids a…
Read MoreThe Joy of Not Caring About Stuff
I have no idea why we care about some things deeply, and other things we have no interest in at all. Take the eclipse. I’m super gung-ho about the eclipse, but hell, I get wildly pumped up for a full moon every month, and find a clear starry night to hold romance, mystery, and, possibly,…
Read MoreThings I Want To Complain About That Make Me An Asshole
Years ago, we were living in a teeny tiny, can’t stand up straight upstairs, cape with barely two bathrooms, and we were redoing the one downstairs. I was talking to a friend who had just built a huge-ass mansion and when I confessed I was stressed out about picking out tile she said, “Imagine picking…
Read MoreEscaping Your Inner Voice Captor
My inner voice is an asshole. For as long as I can remember, even as far back as elementary school, it taught me important things like, You’re not good at art. You suck a dodge ball. Your bangs are dumb looking. You can’t spell. But like a hostage with a diabolical captor, I didn’t know…
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