Random Rants

Things I Want To Complain About That Make Me An Asshole

Years ago, we were living in a teeny tiny, can’t stand up straight upstairs, cape with barely two bathrooms, and we were redoing the one downstairs. I was talking to a friend who had just built a huge-ass mansion and when I confessed I was stressed out about picking out tile she said, “Imagine picking…

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Here’s Why the Oscars Suck

It’s been a while since I just wrote a stream of consciousness blog that offends half of my readers, so here’s one to get you fighting. I think the Oscars, as a show, suck. I’m not a cool contrarian person who gets off hating things like Barney the Dinosaur and cruises and the Oscars because…

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Maybe Don’t Let Your Kid Be A Dick To Alexa

If you haven’t met Alexa, you will. Or someone like her. She’s the voice of Amazon’s artificial intelligence home system called the Echo. She’s a wi-fi based-Siri. She’s a modern day genie in a bottle, not-so-much granting wishes as keeping your brain from working too hard. She’s the embodiment of Albert Einstein’s famous quote, “Never…

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To the "Not to be nitpicky, but…" People

Someone started a comment to one of my blogs with, “Not to be nitpicky, but…” and then, shocker, went on to be nitpicky. She offered some handy facts no one asked for or needed to refute my comical musing on a subject. Not sure how reading one of my admittedly factless blogs prompts someone to…

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Hey Hollywood, Your Bad Moms Casting is Super Lame

Hey Hollywood, We saw your new movie trailer for Bad Moms. I have to say, we are excited about it. Finally a movie about moms who are sick and tired of having to be perfect. Finally a movie about the ridiculous pressures moms face whether they stay home full-time or work full-time. Finally a movie…

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An Ode to Laundry

Every minute of every day you wait patiently, a quandary, Oh, there is nothing as loyal as a pile of laundry. A constant source of something to do, You beckon to us, always, ever anew. A vibrant array of colors and textures, a kaleidoscope, oh glory! Each lifeless, limp item, a garment with its own story. A…

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The Cost of Being Home-Decorating Challenged

Here’s the deal. I’m a woman. I have all the right parts and a decent amount of estrogen to prove it. And yet, I don’t have any interest in decorating my house. Yes, home decorating is just one of the many things our society associates with the X-chromosome for reasons that both perplex and frustrate…

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How I Squandered the First Day Back to School

Today was the first day of school for my three kids. I spent the summer dreaming of all the things I would do once I was back to having my own routine. In full confession, I may have also spent a small portion of the summer lamenting about how hard it is to do anything…

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Poopgate 2012: A True Story of Parenting and Poop

I have the perfect questionnaire for anyone considering having kids. It would be 100 questions and every single one would simply ask: Do you like poop? If you can answer “Yes” to all 100 questions you are ready. I think somewhere around, like, 72 you’ll be like, “Wait a second, I don’t really like poop…

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