Marriage Nonsense
We Means You
There’s an age-old trick in the conversations of married couples dating back to the days of ancient hieroglyphics, probably. It is so simple, so subtle, so cunning, it mostly goes undetected. It is a harmless pronoun that to the naked ear sounds innocent, inclusive even. But beware. It’s a trap. When someone you are in…
Read MoreWhy I Wanted to Throw an Apple at My Husband’s Head for 20 Years
This is the somewhat true story of how my husband eating an apple in the car for twenty years nearly, but not really, led to our divorce. Let me start with my true but bizarre affliction…I have a fruit allergy. Actually, I might have a fruit allergy. I’m too lazy to go to an allergist…
Read MoreThe Middle Aged Unwanted Hair Battle
Unwanted hair. Yup. We are going there. The battle is real and it’s daunting and it’s not just happening to women. So men, this is not the time to bounce. Stick around. Your middle aged unwanted hair battles are just as overwhelming as ours are. We see you plucking your ear hair. You’re in this…
Read More"Area Man Shocked to Find Out Cool Wife Wants to Feel Special On Valentine’s Day"
The Vidalia. Like The Onion, Only Sweeter. February 15, 2016 by M.Blazoned Area Man was surprised when his “cool” wife was upset he didn’t do anything romantic for her on Valentine’s Day. Jason Reston of Portland, Oregon was confused because his wife is not the type to want a fancy overpriced dinner out with champagne…
Read MoreThe Six Fighting Words All Couples Know and Hate
After being married for two decades, I’ve noticed a couple of things about arguing with my husband. Probably the most surprising thing is the complete lack of variety. We basically have four arguments that we recycle over and over and over again, with no resolution in sight. One of them is about how to make…
Read MoreVacation or Trip? A Helpful Guide for Parents
So, you’re headed out on a family vacation this summer. Great news! But are you sure? Are you sure it’s a vacation? You might want to think about that for a minute. Because a vacation is best described as time away from a job and/or the monotony and frustrations of day-to-day life with the goal…
Read MoreThe Default Parent™
Are you the default parent? If you have to think about it, you’re not. You’d know. Trust me. The default parent is the one responsible for the emotional, physical and logistical needs of the children. Spoiler Alert: It’s typically the one with the uterus. The first time I knew I was the default parent was…
Read MoreThe Modern Midlife Crisis
It’s not your parents’ midlife crisis. Hey, how’s your midlife crisis going? Mine’s great, thanks for asking. I can no longer read anything on my phone, my teeth are cracking by the day, I question every decision I’ve made since I was twenty-one, oh, and this is key, I’ve taken to wearing a flower in…
Read More20 Years of Marital Bliss
…or a Seinfeld Bond. Either Way. Today is the day that 20 years ago was my wedding. In other words, it’s my 20th wedding anniversary. Or, in Facebook Speak, “20 years ago I married my best friend.” Blah, blah, blah. Forgive me for not being flowery about 20 years of marriage. I do this strange…
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