Aging Reluctantly
Everything I Know About Menopause
So, I don’t want to disappoint you, but what I know about menopause is basically nothing. You’d think, maybe, that since I’m a female person who is fairly well-educated and has managed to live to be over a half a century old that I’d know something about menopause. Welp, not so much. What I know…
Read MoreA Quick Guide for Staying Young
If you’re anywhere near middle aged, you are assaulted on the daily with miracle anti-aging serums and creams to keep you young. Now, all of these are bullshit, and, also, I buy many of them. Both things can be true. But I’m starting to think that maybe staying young has almost nothing to do with…
Read MoreA Post Breakup Letter to My Forties
Dear Forties, Hello. Hello. It’s me. I know things have been over between us for a few weeks, but I feel like there’s so much we left unsaid, and, I’ll just say it, I miss you. I know, I know, I know. You told me that I would. That as bad as things got towards…
Read MoreThe True Story of My Free 3-Month Trial of the Peloton App
You guys, this is a true story. Missing my hot yoga classes, my super fit husband mentioned how much he was enjoying the free 3-month trial of the Peloton app, so I thought I’d give it a go. Okay, I know those of you who know me personally are already laughing. First of all, how…
Read MoreMy (Not At All Far-Fetched) Turning 50 Plan
I have decided tonight that my plan for turning 50 in seven months is simple. I’m going to get incredibly fit. (I’m not.) I’m picking now because all those other years when I was younger were too easy. (I was lazy then too.) I like a challenge. (I promise you, I don’t.) And I think,…
Read MoreJust Another Friday Night in Meradise
Let me start with, I worked until 7pm. On a Friday night. When I was finished I realized, with all that I did, I never made the presentation I was giving in St. Louis on Monday morning. Great. I’m no longer working for the weekend. I’m working on the weekend. Then I went to the…
Read MoreSeven Signs of the Aging Apocalypse
Locust? Famine? Floods? You wish. Nope. The Aging Apocalypse is not the end of the world, just the end of your youth. And not just the gray hair, reading glasses, and overall crotchety demeanor you’ve been expecting. It’s far more nuanced. And, oh, it’s happening. The signs are there. I’ve been side eyeing them with…
Read MoreWhen You Feel Fat For You
You know when you are feeling fat for you how you spend all the time you could be exercising on thinking about why you’ve put on so much weight. Like it’s a mystery. I blame the steroid I had to take for five days due to a cough that wouldn’t go away for five weeks…
Read MoreWhen Midnight Hits and You’re Wide Awake
I don’t have insomnia. I feel like insomnia is like depression, we all experience it from time to time but not everyone legit has it and we shouldn’t throw it around willy-nilly. But, it’s midnight and I find myself wide-awake. Why I’m awake is anyone’s guess. Maybe it’s because last night I hardcore fell into…
Read MoreDoing Time in Elementary School
This is my 13th consecutive year with a child in elementary school. It’s also, finally, my last. I’ve done my time and when I get out on the other side, I won’t lie, I will be a changed woman. When I was sent to the big house back in 2005, I was thirty-five. I had…
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