The Vidalia. Like The Onion, Only Sweeter. February 15, 2016
by M.Blazoned
Area Man was surprised when his “cool” wife was upset he didn’t do anything romantic for her on Valentine’s Day. Jason Reston of Portland, Oregon was confused because his wife is not the type to want a fancy overpriced dinner out with champagne and roses.
“I thought I knew her,” he said scratching his head. “I just never thought she was the kind of woman who would want me to do something to make her feel special on Valentine’s Day.” Jason went on to say that he wished there were some societal clues, or commercials, or a billion dollar business to help him figure that out.
“I wish someone had given me a heads up, ya know. So, I would have known that was a thing women liked on Valentine’s Day.”
“I feel like she’s to blame too,” Jason said while packing his bags. “I mean, she could have told me what she wanted, or even gone out and gotten it for herself and wrapped it from me.” Mr. Reston was very clear that he was 100% supportive of his wife spending a reasonable amount of money on something that would adequately express his romantic love for her without his being involved.
“I’m a romantic and I love my wife,” he added as he checked into the YMCA, “I just didn’t know there was a way or a specific day to express that.”
Related Posts
Resumes are kind of my thing. My entire career has been evaluating applicants…
Years ago, we were living in a teeny tiny, can’t stand up…
So, you’re headed out on a family vacation this summer. Great news!…
If the title of this doesn’t instantly traumatize you, you probably weren’t…
I guess I expected it would be easier this time. After all,…
Christmas is my favorite holiday. No surprise. It’s a lot of people’s…
So, I’m going to India. Such a simple sentence but I can…
I get it. You don’t want a minivan. The entire idea of…
Hey there, I’m new to pandemics, and let me just say, I’m…
You ever wonder if you are doing a good job raising your…
My philosophy of life is somewhere in between Buddhist compassion and metaphorical…
Dear Friends, It is the first day of the year and of…
Someone started a comment to one of my blogs with, “Not to…
There’s an age-old trick in the conversations of married couples dating back…
I’ve mostly made peace with all of the perceived perfection I see…
After being married for two decades, I’ve noticed a couple of things…
The last year of my life has been, let’s say, tumultuous. I…
I was a tour guide in college. I worked in admissions. I’ve…
For the first time in over five years we are sending out…
I recently got a crown. We all know there only a few…
If you grew up in the 70s and 80s, you are well…
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a prime candidate to hate…
I have a vague recollection of my life before I was applying…
I happen to love teenagers. Both the ones I’ve worked with for…
You know how when you were growing up you said you’d never…
I was just thinking about jugglers. Because, of course I’m thinking about…
This is my 13th consecutive year with a child in elementary school…
I have never liked horror movies. It was one and done for…
Dear Forties, Hello. Hello. It’s me. I know things have been over…
For the first time since my daughter started her senior year of…
When I was growing up, July 4th was my favorite holiday. Forget…
You’ve got to hand it to Gen Xers. We have been so…
Something happens to my husband when we go on vacation. He turns…
Are you the default parent? If you have to think about it,…
Locust? Famine? Floods? You wish. Nope. The Aging Apocalypse is not the…
You know when you are feeling fat for you how you spend…
…or a Seinfeld Bond. Either Way. Today is the day that 20…
Have you heard about Hamilton? The run-away smash hit musical currently dominating…
This is the somewhat true story of how my husband eating an…
Every minute of every day you wait patiently, a quandary, Oh, there…
Almost daily, I read the news and I quickly lose faith in…
It’s not your parents’ midlife crisis. Hey, how’s your midlife crisis going?…
I don’t know about you but I’m overwhelmed by all of the numerical…
I saw an ad for some kind of tutoring for kids, I’m…
RULES FOR BEING MEREDITH Handed Down From Current Writing Software 1. You…
Forget Tiger Moms and Helicopter Parenting and the latest parental wackiness I’m…
Remember Happy Fun Ball from Saturday Night Live’s greatest commercials? “It’s Happy…
I find it strange that we revere years of marriage as an…
Do you remember when I posted this photo on Facebook? When I…
You’re not going anywhere until you survive the week before, which is…
We weren’t doing anything wrong. We weren’t drinking or doing drugs. We…
My husband watched this video of a woman removing a cyst from…
Hey Kids, Feel free to leave your stuff wherever you want this…
“Enjoy every minute of it” is the most well-meaning piece of parenting…
Did I say September was the worst? I might have to retract…
Nestled deep within the quiet suburban setting, we come upon the natural…
I have no idea why we care about some things deeply, and…
I love Christmas and I love buying gifts for people, but put…
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll happily take a massage and a shout…
So, my friend invited me to a Better Than Ezra concert. She said something…
My thighs and I have a troubled relationship. There is a great…
Turns out 45 years old is just 45 years old. An age…
If you’re anywhere near middle aged, you are assaulted on the daily…
I love my family, and I love eating food, but put them…
I don’t have insomnia. I feel like insomnia is like depression, we…
Not to be totally paranoid, but I’m pretty sure September is trying…
‘Twas the week before Christmas when all through the house, Stuff was…
Last week I was trying on a dress in a godforsaken dressing…
My inner voice is an asshole. For as long as I can…
Showing your kids the movies you grew up with. What could go…
There are so many things about myself I “should” try to change…
There is much debate about the worst stage of parenting. Is it…
Very witty! If you don’t know the satirical website Waterford Whispers, you should check out their articles. Yes some of them are specifically Irish humour, but many are hilarious and worth a read.