The Skinny on the Dyson Hair Dryer

Okay, M.Blazoneders (is that a thing?), I’ve heard you loud and clear. You want to know what I think of the Dyson hair dryer. Fair enough. Let’s go!

As with everything I ever buy, I immediately suffer from buyer’s remorse, followed by an unreasonably long period examining the product and myself to truly understand if I like it or not. In my next life, I’m going to be a normal person (is that a thing?) and not overthink everything to death. Until then, you’re in luck. You shall benefit from my neuroses.

So, surprise, surprise, I debated long and hard about getting the Dyson hair dryer. Just when I got over the obscene price of this hair dryer and was ready to commit, I discovered the Dyson Airwrap and was flung right back down the rabbit hole of indecision. To be honest, I didn’t really understand what the Airwrap was and I’m still a bit fuzzy. I did know that both were a small fortune, so I’d better be sure. The future of the world depended on it.

Indecision aside, I am no stranger to ponying up the big bucks for a powerful blow dryer. With hair as frizzy as mine, this is probably the single best investment I can make into being good looking enough to survive in our cruel superficial world. Again, people, I don’t make the rules. My first super expensive hair dryer was called the Blackbird, I think. Who really cares; it’s not worth looking up. It was crazy powerful and once sent a spark that burned my friend’s stomach. If you think that potentially disastrous experience deterred either of us from owning it, think again. What’s that saying? If it ain’t hurting, it ain’t helping? Yeah, that.

The moment was right for me to acquire the Dyson. I had the money. I’m super into my hair. It seemed like a no brainer. But before I tell you if I like it or not, let’s talk about the elephant in the room, the damned Dyson Airwrap. If you’ve spent five minutes investigating the Dyson investment in your hair, you know what I’m talking about. Should you get it instead of the hair dryer? What the hell is it?

A quick google search of the Dyson Airwrap will show you an image of what looks like a painful futuristic vibrator. I’m not even kidding. It’s this wand, with a lot of strange looking attachments. I should probably mention now, before go any deeper (?!?!?!?), that the Dyson Airwrap is definitively not a vibrator. What’s great about the internet is that someone will leave a comment expressing how it can be. And, you know what? Good for you. No judgment.

From what I’ve gathered, the Dyson Airwrap is like a styling tool for southern women in the 1950s. It seems to be this super mega curling iron with all kinds of bells and whistles to do things to your hair that will make you unrecognizable to your closest friends. If it makes you feel better, your husband will still recognize you because he’s never noticed anything different you’ve ever done with your hair and some things you can count on.

All that said, I totally want it. Maybe it’s the 10 years I’ve been living in the deep south, but hell, it’s an incredibly awesome hair styler and it feels like it would make my hair dreams come true.

What the Dyson Airwrap is not, besides, as we’ve already established, a vibrator, is that it’s not really a hair dryer. Now, before the comment section turns into a war about whether or not the Dyson Airwrap is, in fact, a hair dryer, let’s remember, this is just my opinion…and, ultimately, it’s about blowing air on hair.

Now, the Dyson Airwrap does, in fact, have an attachment that will dry your hair. It looks like a loop for blowing large bubbles in your backyard. You might be holding your finger in the air in victory, shouting to no one, “Aha! It is a hair dryer!” Fair enough. Yes, it can dry your hair, but it’s not designed to style your hair as your dry your hair. It’s meant to be more of a prep dry, which I might be making up.

What I’m not making up is that you can use the bubble blower loop attachment and dry your hair, but then you’re gonsta have to style it with the vibrator wand. Make sense?

Perhaps something that might be relative to this conversation is that I’m a bit old school when it comes to making huge changes into how I manage the drying, and, ultimately, styling of my hair. This is something I just learned. When faced with the decision to completely upend my hair techniques with this prep dry and then style system, I panicked. I got the Dyson Hair Dryer.

Another fun fact about me, picking a color is my hell. After carefully debating my color choices, I went with the basic white because I thought pink and purple were a little much for me to love for the 100 years I need to own this thing. I’m very happy with the color and saw Jennifer Anniston using it on The Morning Show. Winning!

But you asked how I like it, which turns out to be, much like me, complicated.

First, to offer some respect to the blowdryer in question, it is officially called the Dyson Supersonic hair dryer. The word “supersonic” seems important. I don’t believe it’s a scientific fact that it’s supersonic, but rather a descriptive accolade created by a team of Dyson marketers, but, as with most things, I could be wrong. Maybe it’s supersonic for reals. Either way, I don’t know what supersonic means, but I do know that it’s powerful AF.

Straight out of the gate it blew all of my jewelry off my countertop. Whoa…supersonic! At first use, I noticed the air wasn’t very hot and immediately panicked. How will it be good if it can’t potentially throw a spark to burn me or burn down my house? (Old school.) I decided to push through since I had already opened the package from Best Buy, who’s entire operating model is an assumption that you have stolen the product from their store and therefore there was no way they’d take this sucker back.

Okay, here’s the deal…As I’m drying my hair it starts to feel funny, like way too dry, which is an odd thing to say since I literally purchased a product that promised to dry my hair faster and more thoroughly. Would I never be satisfied by anything? And, truth be told, I wasn’t good at using it. My hair kept getting tangled because of the power. I was channelling Jack Nicholson screaming, “You can’t handle the truth” in my ear, and I was like, damn, maybe I can’t!

The end result? I got the hang of it and my hair looked undeniably good. My hair does still feel kinda different, but I’m used to it or just imagining it, and, either way, I don’t really care because I’m digging on my hair.

I’m still semi-lusting after the Dyson Airwrap, and think if you always curl your hair, it might be the better option. Maybe I should have gotten that instead. I really don’t know! Anyway, I truly hope this in some way has helped you learn more about my personal Dyson Dilemma, what are and are not vibrators, and, as always, my weird brain.

---