All the Blogs

Here's where all the magic happens. And by magic, I mean here's where I write stuff for you to read. I talk marriage, parenting, modern gender angst, and my take on the small and big moments of being a human, which turns out, isn't as easy as I thought it would be. Mostly it's comical stuff, but sometimes I like to play an Air Supply song to slow things down a bit and make my move to make out with you – metaphorically, of course. It's not that kind of website. The blogs are sarcastic, satirical, at times swear-filled, at times straight from the heart, always honest, and hopefully relatable. It's for women and men who have a killer sense of humor and daily wonder, Is anyone else losing their mind? I'm happy to report that, yes, we all are. You'll see....

The Middle Aged Unwanted Hair Battle

Unwanted hair. Yup. We are going there. The battle is real and it's daunting and it's not just happening to ...
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Big Picture Parenting

You ever wonder if you are doing a good job raising your kids? Ever worry that all of your ideas ...
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M.Blazoned’s Ridiculous 2016 Book List

Like all good bloggers, I’d like to share with you my favorite reads of the year because I read a ...
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Teenagers in the Mist

Nestled deep within the quiet suburban setting, we come upon the natural habitat of the complex human, known as The ...
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In (Mild) Defense of the Elf on the Shelf

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a prime candidate to hate this ridiculous Elf on a Shelf tradition. For starters, ...
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I Wish I Packed My Army Green Pants, A Memoir

I Wish I Packed My Army Green Pants  -A Memoir by M.Blazoned Six days, a 35 lb. bag, and three ...
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To the "Not to be nitpicky, but…" People

Someone started a comment to one of my blogs with, “Not to be nitpicky, but…” and then, shocker, went on ...
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Getting Honest is Better Than a Root Canal

I recently got a crown. We all know there only a few ways to get a crown at my age. ...
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M.Blazoned Freaks Out Watching Cyst Removal Video

My husband watched this video of a woman removing a cyst from her boyfriend's face and said he almost threw ...
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My Left Boob

My left boob is so much bigger than my right boob that I don’t even know what is going on ...
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Vacation Daddy

Something happens to my husband when we go on vacation. He turns into what we refer to as, Vacation Daddy. ...
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Hamilton Tickets: The Dumbest, Best Money We’ve Ever Spent

Have you heard about Hamilton? The run-away smash hit musical currently dominating all of Broadway and the minds and heart ...
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End of School Madness is Upon Us

Did I say September was the worst? I might have to retract that and put May in the top spot. ...
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Hey Hollywood, Your Bad Moms Casting is Super Lame

Hey Hollywood, We saw your new movie trailer for Bad Moms. I have to say, we are excited about it. ...
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Enjoy Every Minute of It? Do You Even Have Kids?

"Enjoy every minute of it" is the most well-meaning piece of parenting advice, and yet, the most ridiculously delusional. This ...
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"Area Man Shocked to Find Out Cool Wife Wants to Feel Special On Valentine’s Day"

The Vidalia. Like The Onion, Only Sweeter. February 15, 2016 by M.Blazoned Area Man was surprised when his "cool" wife ...
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The Default Parent Resume

Resumes are kind of my thing. My entire career has been evaluating applicants on their professional experience, but lately it occurs ...
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So, I’m Going to Freakin’ India!

So, I’m going to India. Such a simple sentence but I can assure you there has been nothing simple about ...
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A Letter to My Friends on New Year’s Day

Dear Friends, It is the first day of the year and of course I want to wish you a Happy ...
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Manic Christmas Playlist

This year I took the time to compile a kickass Christmas playlist, and discovered that, holy hell, Christmas is emotionally ...
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An Ode to Laundry

Every minute of every day you wait patiently, a quandary, Oh, there is nothing as loyal as a pile of ...
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The Cost of Being Home-Decorating Challenged

Here’s the deal. I’m a woman. I have all the right parts and a decent amount of estrogen to prove ...
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The Spider-Dress Freak Out

Last week I was trying on a dress in a godforsaken dressing room of doom and there was a mother ...
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Hey Mom and Dad, Applying to College Is Killing My Mojo

I have a vague recollection of my life before I was applying to college. There was this magical thing called ...
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September is the Worst

Not to be totally paranoid, but I’m pretty sure September is trying to kill me. Forget December and the holiday ...
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"BLOG": https://www.mblazoned.com/the-blog/