I Can’t Believe How Stupid Everything Is

Thirty years ago, when I was 21 and graduating from college, I naively thought the world was moving forward in the right direction. Now, I’m 51 and I can’t believe how stupid everything is.

Like I can’t believe that all stores don’t adopt a first in first out queuing system. Everyone knows it’s the fairest option and not hard to implement, but, still, we stand in separate lines, our blood pressure rising as we marry our fates to our cashier’s ability to ring people up instead of the order we entered the checkout line. It’s stupid. 

And that’s just a small example of how stupid things are, but a good one because it’s unnecessarily annoying. I thought that once we, collectively, as humans, figured out the best way to do something, the most judicial way, we’d just do it. I did not factor in how stupid we are. 

Insert gender equality, gay rights, racism, and you’ll quickly realize how stupid it all is. Like we know race doesn’t determine a person’s value, or a set of ovaries doesn’t make you responsible for cooking dinner, or who you love shouldn’t limit your rights. Yet, stupid is alive and well around the globe with people dedicating their lives to making other people miserable for no good reason. I can’t believe how stupid that is.

If I could wish one thing for all of humanity, it would be that they would be able to face their mortality to understand that their time on earth is a mere blip in the big scheme of things. My existential crisis aside, I’m not saying life has no meaning. Surely your life will have great meaning, but, and this is key, only for like a super teeny tiny amount of time. Life is limited and it’s going to end. For all of us.

Maybe if people could somehow keep that in mind everyday when they wake up things would be less stupid. Like maybe that guy wouldn’t drive a van around shouting about how birds are a lie. Yup. A guy uses his precious time on earth trying to convince people that birds, all birds, are drones that recharge on electrical wires. So, so stupid.

And he’s not alone. The stupidest among us are like that drunk asshole at a wedding who gets on stage, hijacks the mic, and blathers on about something no one cares about. We are all like, dude, for the love of god, shut up, sit down, and let us get back to dancing poorly to Brick House already.

Sad to say, the world right now is like if all the drunk assholes hogging the mic at a wedding took over and held us hostage with their nonsense. It’s just so stupid.

Like the so-called “anti-vaxxers,” who, to be crystal clear, aren’t anti-vaxxers at all. It’s stupid because we know they have gotten literally, as in the actual definition of the word, every required vaccine to date except this one. We know they got them, and proved it because they went to public school, summer camp, played sports, and went to college. Hell, I have to prove my kids’ immunizations so often I keep that sheet handy! You don’t get to call yourself anti-vaxx because you’ve opted out of one vaccine. But, this is how stupid everything is. 

Honestly, it’s offensive to actual anti-vaxxers. The real anti-vaxx people aren’t screwing around. They made a choice to live off the grid. They opted out of society, no public anything. No doctors, no social security cards. I mean, these fuckers are hardcore. Have some damn respect for that kind of commitment and follow through to abandon society, and stop pretending a political stance to refuse one vaccine is anti-vaxx. It ain’t. 

That’s it, really. Things are so stupid because people think there’s some way to enjoy living in a civilized society without being civil. Newsflash. There isn’t. You either live in a society that requires some responsibility to the greater good, particularly public health, or you buy up a ton of acres in one of the big rectangle states, burn off your fingerprints, and live off the land. I saw that movie where the guy did that with his kids. Go for it. Life is short. But if you opt out of society, don’t expect to be invited to Uncle Jim and Aunt Sylvia’s house for Thanksgiving. 

The rest of us? Come on. We opted into society. We get our vaccines, grab some dinner, catch a show, go to the game. Anyone acting as if this idea is somehow new is playing the stupidest game to die, quite literally, on the stupidest of hills. 

But, alas, here we are…in the stupidest of times. Times so stupid that instead of cutting off the mic of the few loud drunk assholes, we let them go on and on in the interest in sharing both sides. Both sides?!?!? Of what? It’s Virus vs. Humans, people. That’s it. The fact that we can’t unite to defeat a virus that doesn’t give a shit, and will keep mutating until it kills us all, is peak stupidity. And making the incredibly smart people who developed vaccines to keep our sorry asses alive through time the enemy? My god, so stupid.

IDK, if you told me thirty years ago that grown-ass people would make make signs and shout about anti-vaxx and anti-mask in the middle of a pandemic, I’d say, nah, we can’t get queuing right at the CVS, but surely we’ll never be that stupid. Yeah well.

Look, I’m no longer naive or overly hopeful that the world will ever make any reasonable sense. I just want to live in a world that is less stupid. 

I want to be waited on in the order I enter the check-out line. I want people to realize that their life is short and behave accordingly, like starting with the concept of equality. I want all the people to take the side of human survival and get vaccinated. I want to collectively agree that birds are real. And I want someone to cut off the mics of the drunken assholes ruining the good time, and reclaim the dancing portion of the evening so I can get my groove on to Brick House.

Nothing stupid about that.

*****

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