Posts by M.
The Anti-New Year’s Resolutions Revolution
There are so many things about myself I “should” try to change. Here’s the short list because I like myself this morning. I pretty much stopped working out all together when I went from part-time to full-time, and before that I was inconsistent at best. In the past two weeks I’ve eaten enough sugar-based foods…
Read MoreGoing Rogue on Christmas Gifts
I love Christmas and I love buying gifts for people, but put them together and it seems like this insurmountable stressful task that is not so much fun. And I’m not talking about gifts for my kids. I know them pretty well and raised them to love the magic of a surprise, so that’s easy.…
Read MoreThe Family Dinner Horror Show
I have never liked horror movies. It was one and done for me. I still can’t even think about the Exorcist without covering my ears and saying, “La, la, la, la, la.” But lately, I’ve been longing for something as simple as a demon-possessed child with a spinning head. A creepy clown offering kids a…
Read MoreDoing Time in Elementary School
This is my 13th consecutive year with a child in elementary school. It’s also, finally, my last. I’ve done my time and when I get out on the other side, I won’t lie, I will be a changed woman. When I was sent to the big house back in 2005, I was thirty-five. I had…
Read MoreThe Joy of Not Caring About Stuff
I have no idea why we care about some things deeply, and other things we have no interest in at all. Take the eclipse. I’m super gung-ho about the eclipse, but hell, I get wildly pumped up for a full moon every month, and find a clear starry night to hold romance, mystery, and, possibly,…
Read MoreWe Means You
There’s an age-old trick in the conversations of married couples dating back to the days of ancient hieroglyphics, probably. It is so simple, so subtle, so cunning, it mostly goes undetected. It is a harmless pronoun that to the naked ear sounds innocent, inclusive even. But beware. It’s a trap. When someone you are in…
Read MoreThe Legend of The Fourth of July in My Hometown
When I was growing up, July 4th was my favorite holiday. Forget the high holy days, or even the guaranteed full-size Snickers at that weird lady’s house down the street on Halloween. It was the Fourth of July I lived for. I lived in a charming little beach town on the shoreline of Connecticut called,…
Read MoreThings I Want To Complain About That Make Me An Asshole
Years ago, we were living in a teeny tiny, can’t stand up straight upstairs, cape with barely two bathrooms, and we were redoing the one downstairs. I was talking to a friend who had just built a huge-ass mansion and when I confessed I was stressed out about picking out tile she said, “Imagine picking…
Read MoreWhy I Wanted to Throw an Apple at My Husband’s Head for 20 Years
This is the somewhat true story of how my husband eating an apple in the car for twenty years nearly, but not really, led to our divorce. Let me start with my true but bizarre affliction…I have a fruit allergy. Actually, I might have a fruit allergy. I’m too lazy to go to an allergist…
Read MoreEscaping Your Inner Voice Captor
My inner voice is an asshole. For as long as I can remember, even as far back as elementary school, it taught me important things like, You’re not good at art. You suck a dodge ball. Your bangs are dumb looking. You can’t spell. But like a hostage with a diabolical captor, I didn’t know…
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