Posts by M.
About Jugglers
I was just thinking about jugglers. Because, of course I’m thinking about jugglers. They are kind of like the Olympians. Stay with me here. When you see a juggler you are like, “Wow.” But then your brain starts to deaden to their tricks. Like Olympians. You start to be unimpressed. You start to have fantasies…
Read MoreDon’t Celebrate Your Kid’s Half Birthday, And Other Valuable Parenting Advice You Should Ignore
I’m not a big fan of giving or getting parenting advice. You get to screw up your kids. I get to screw up mine. All well-meaning advice by burnt out parents should be ignored. But, seriously, don’t celebrate your kid’s half birthday. You know why? Because you think it’s cute that one time but then…
Read MoreThe Anti-New Year’s Resolutions Revolution
There are so many things about myself I “should” try to change. Here’s the short list because I like myself this morning. I pretty much stopped working out all together when I went from part-time to full-time, and before that I was inconsistent at best. In the past two weeks I’ve eaten enough sugar-based foods…
Read MoreGoing Rogue on Christmas Gifts
I love Christmas and I love buying gifts for people, but put them together and it seems like this insurmountable stressful task that is not so much fun. And I’m not talking about gifts for my kids. I know them pretty well and raised them to love the magic of a surprise, so that’s easy.…
Read MoreThe Family Dinner Horror Show
I have never liked horror movies. It was one and done for me. I still can’t even think about the Exorcist without covering my ears and saying, “La, la, la, la, la.” But lately, I’ve been longing for something as simple as a demon-possessed child with a spinning head. A creepy clown offering kids a…
Read MoreDoing Time in Elementary School
This is my 13th consecutive year with a child in elementary school. It’s also, finally, my last. I’ve done my time and when I get out on the other side, I won’t lie, I will be a changed woman. When I was sent to the big house back in 2005, I was thirty-five. I had…
Read MoreThe Joy of Not Caring About Stuff
I have no idea why we care about some things deeply, and other things we have no interest in at all. Take the eclipse. I’m super gung-ho about the eclipse, but hell, I get wildly pumped up for a full moon every month, and find a clear starry night to hold romance, mystery, and, possibly,…
Read MoreWe Means You
There’s an age-old trick in the conversations of married couples dating back to the days of ancient hieroglyphics, probably. It is so simple, so subtle, so cunning, it mostly goes undetected. It is a harmless pronoun that to the naked ear sounds innocent, inclusive even. But beware. It’s a trap. When someone you are in…
Read MoreThe Legend of The Fourth of July in My Hometown
When I was growing up, July 4th was my favorite holiday. Forget the high holy days, or even the guaranteed full-size Snickers at that weird lady’s house down the street on Halloween. It was the Fourth of July I lived for. I lived in a charming little beach town on the shoreline of Connecticut called,…
Read MoreThings I Want To Complain About That Make Me An Asshole
Years ago, we were living in a teeny tiny, can’t stand up straight upstairs, cape with barely two bathrooms, and we were redoing the one downstairs. I was talking to a friend who had just built a huge-ass mansion and when I confessed I was stressed out about picking out tile she said, “Imagine picking…
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