Meet M.

110_1014Blogger. Writer. Human Being.
Recovering nail biter. Wannabe Buddhist. Feminist. Moon lover. Parenting Views: Think Erma Bombeck getting a perm from Tina Fey with a lot more swearing.

Blogger.
I'm an accidental blogger. I never believed following a blog was really a thing. Sure, I saw the occasional one in my Facebook newsfeed, but that was it. My friends kept telling me I should, so I finally threw together a website and started posting my random thoughts on life, parenting and being human. I wrote a few and about 100 FB friends followed me. Then one day I threw together my thoughts on how bogus the modern day parenting roles still are and wouldn't you know the damn thing went viral. Apparently, I hit a nerve with The Default Parent. Huff Post picked it up. France and Germany Huff Post translated it. Australia published it. Good Morning America called, for fuckssake. The blog was on fire. I, on the other hand, was completely overwhelmed and unprepared. I did learn a few things. 1.) I'm unable to process success, so that sucks. 2.) I don't like being in front of a camera. 3.) The success and failures will come go and you just have to forget about them and keep writing. 4.) I wrote a righteous blog that resonated around the world. Not bad for an accidental blogger.

Writer.
I have been writing fiction for ten years...learning as I go. I rewrote my first novel about ten times before I even understood what writing a novel was about. I have completed three novels and have a couple more in the works and a hundred more in my head.  I've been off the charts wimpy about submitting my manuscripts, but am sincerely trying to overcome that.

I have an insatiable desire to contemplate the meaning of life...to understand the inexplicable power of love, loss, fear, success and failure...to reconcile the impermanence of being human. In short, I'm a weirdly cynical, hopeless romantic with a serious death complex who writes fiction. Let's hope you are a literary agent looking for my contact information at this very moment. Call me, maybe. I don't write for any other reason other than I couldn't stop if I tried. I have stories in my head, imaginary friends I love, and adventures I must experience...so I write.

Human Being.
I'm for kindness, compassion and not judging others. I'm for love. I mediate. That said, when I'm not meditating, I am sometimes dreaming of punching someone in the face. I regularly wear a flower in my hair for no reason. I will always swim in salt water and get my hair wet even though when it dries I look like Roseanne Roseannadanna. After 16 years of parenting, I'm sick of zoos, forts, and mother f*cking aquariums. I have an undiagnosed phobia of voice mail. I have no idea what color my hair really is. I still get zits and point them out immediately so you won't notice them. I'm a Virgo...so that should explain everything else I left out. I have three kids who seem to actually like me, a husband of 22+ years who also seems to like me, and a black lab named Lucy who definitely likes me. I give her treats.

 

Blogs To Get To Know M.

45 Years Old Isn’t the "New" Anything

Turns out 45 years old is just 45 years old. An age that means you are old enough to not ...
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So, I’m Going to Freakin’ India!

So, I’m going to India. Such a simple sentence but I can assure you there has been nothing simple about ...
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I Wish I Packed My Army Green Pants, A Memoir

I Wish I Packed My Army Green Pants  -A Memoir by M.Blazoned Six days, a 35 lb. bag, and three ...
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Rules for Being Meredith

RULES FOR BEING MEREDITH Handed Down From Current Writing Software 1. You will receive a body. You will find said ...
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The Spider-Dress Freak Out

Last week I was trying on a dress in a godforsaken dressing room of doom and there was a mother ...
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M.Blazoned Freaks Out Watching Cyst Removal Video

My husband watched this video of a woman removing a cyst from her boyfriend's face and said he almost threw ...
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The Default Parent Resume

Resumes are kind of my thing. My entire career has been evaluating applicants on their professional experience, but lately it occurs ...
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Escaping Your Inner Voice Captor

My inner voice is an asshole. For as long as I can remember, even as far back as elementary school, ...
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A Letter to My Friends on New Year’s Day

Dear Friends, It is the first day of the year and of course I want to wish you a Happy ...
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The Little Black Dress Party

So, my friend invited me to a Better Than Ezra concert. She said something like, “Hey, I won four tickets on the ...
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Buddhist Compassion and Metaphorical Face Punching

My philosophy of life is somewhere in between Buddhist compassion and metaphorical face punching. Not actually hitting someone in the ...
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Getting Honest is Better Than a Root Canal

I recently got a crown. We all know there only a few ways to get a crown at my age. ...
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The Joy of Not Caring About Stuff

I have no idea why we care about some things deeply, and other things we have no interest in at ...
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M.Blazoned’s Ridiculous 2016 Book List

Like all good bloggers, I’d like to share with you my favorite reads of the year because I read a ...
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33 Self-Improvement Thingees to Read and Then Quickly Forget

I don’t know about you but I’m overwhelmed by all of the numerical lists that have somehow found the exact number ...
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"MEET M.": http://www.mblazoned.com/who-is-m/