Welcome to M.Blazoned

“M. is a good friend you never knew until now.” 

A fan wrote that comment on my Facebook page and I loved it. I wasn't organized to have a goal when I started blogging, but if I did, it would have been that. To feel like a friend you never knew until you read my blogs.

I love this hat.

Life is crazy. Being human is challenging. Keeping up with your job, kids, relationship, and even your friends, can feel overwhelming at times. I hope my perspective can provide a little comic relief from both the mundane and the truly frustrating crap, so you know it's normal to both love your life and dream about packing a bag and running away.

I won't promise you much, but I promise you this. Whatever it is you think you are alone on, you're not. I write what's on my mind with lots of typos and a fair amount of swearing. I look for the honest hilarity in life, marriage, jobs, kids, and, reluctantly, being middle aged and share it with you in hopes it resonates and makes you laugh or think, or, hell, both.

Thanks for coming to my site, reading my words, and sharing them with your friends. Let's be weird blog friends. xo

M.

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Most Recent Blogs

The Family Dinner Horror Show

I have never liked horror movies. It was one and done for me. I still can’t even think about the Exorcist without covering my ears and saying, “La, la, la, la, la.” But lately, I’ve been longing for something as simple as a demon-possessed child with a spinning head. A creepy clown offering kids a…

Doing Time in Elementary School

This is my 13th consecutive year with a child in elementary school. It’s also, finally, my last. I’ve done my time and when I get out on the other side, I won’t lie, I will be a changed woman. When I was sent to the big house back in 2005, I was thirty-five. I had…

The Joy of Not Caring About Stuff

I have no idea why we care about some things deeply, and other things we have no interest in at all. Take the eclipse. I’m super gung-ho about the eclipse, but hell, I get wildly pumped up for a full moon every month, and find a clear starry night to hold romance, mystery, and, possibly,…

We Means You

There’s an age-old trick in the conversations of married couples dating back to the days of ancient hieroglyphics, probably. It is so simple, so subtle, so cunning, it mostly goes undetected. It is a harmless pronoun that to the naked ear sounds innocent, inclusive even. But beware. It’s a trap. When someone you are in…

The Legend of The Fourth of July in My Hometown

When I was growing up, July 4th was my favorite holiday. Forget the high holy days, or even the guaranteed full-size Snickers at that weird lady’s house down the street on Halloween. It was the Fourth of July I lived for. I lived in a charming little beach town on the shoreline of Connecticut called,…

Things I Want To Complain About That Make Me An Asshole

Years ago, we were living in a teeny tiny, can’t stand up straight upstairs, cape with barely two bathrooms, and we were redoing the one downstairs. I was talking to a friend who had just built a huge-ass mansion and when I confessed I was stressed out about picking out tile she said, “Imagine picking…

Why I Wanted to Throw an Apple at My Husband’s Head for 20 Years

This is the somewhat true story of how my husband eating an apple in the car for twenty years nearly, but not really, led to our divorce. Let me start with my true but bizarre affliction…I have a fruit allergy. Actually, I might have a fruit allergy. I’m too lazy to go to an allergist…

I Tried the Fascia Blaster on My Cellulite

Okay, let’s get one thing straight. I am not getting paid for this. I’m not writing this on demand for the Fascia Blaster people. And my only financial interaction with them was the $89+tax and shipping I plunked down for this gizmo. And, before I reveal to you if it works, please know I’m not…

Escaping Your Inner Voice Captor

My inner voice is an asshole. For as long as I can remember, even as far back as elementary school, it taught me important things like, You’re not good at art. You suck a dodge ball. Your bangs are dumb looking. You can’t spell. But like a hostage with a diabolical captor, I didn’t know…

The Night I Became "That Parent"

You know how when you were growing up you said you’d never be like one of those out of touch parents? Even when you had your kids you vowed you’d never be so unoriginal and lazy that you’d rely on age-old parental drivel that doesn’t even make sense. There were even phrases you swore you…

M.'s Favorites

Big Picture Parenting

You ever wonder if you are doing a good job raising your kids? Ever worry that all of your ideas and goals you set out with as you waited for ...
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The Legend of The Fourth of July in My Hometown

When I was growing up, July 4th was my favorite holiday. Forget the high holy days, or even the guaranteed full-size Snickers at that weird lady’s house down the street ...
Read More

Escaping Your Inner Voice Captor

My inner voice is an asshole. For as long as I can remember, even as far back as elementary school, it taught me important things like, You’re not good at ...
Read More

The Joy of Not Caring About Stuff

I have no idea why we care about some things deeply, and other things we have no interest in at all. Take the eclipse. I'm super gung-ho about the eclipse, ...
Read More

End of School Madness is Upon Us

Did I say September was the worst? I might have to retract that and put May in the top spot. It’s two weeks until school gets out and, to put ...
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The Beautiful Maddening Contradiction of Teenagers

I happen to love teenagers. Both the ones I’ve worked with for years and, most of the time, my own. I know, I know. I thought I was supposed to ...
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The Six Fighting Words All Couples Know and Hate

After being married for two decades, I’ve noticed a couple of things about arguing with my husband. Probably the most surprising thing is the complete lack of variety. We basically ...
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To the "Not to be nitpicky, but…" People

Someone started a comment to one of my blogs with, “Not to be nitpicky, but…” and then, shocker, went on to be nitpicky. She offered some handy facts no one ...
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Doing Time in Elementary School

This is my 13th consecutive year with a child in elementary school. It’s also, finally, my last. I’ve done my time and when I get out on the other side, ...
Read More

The Default Parent Resume

Resumes are kind of my thing. My entire career has been evaluating applicants on their professional experience, but lately it occurs to me that huge chunks of skills and talents are ...
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Hamilton Tickets: The Dumbest, Best Money We’ve Ever Spent

Have you heard about Hamilton? The run-away smash hit musical currently dominating all of Broadway and the minds and heart of teenagers and their parents around the world? It’s a ...
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Getting Honest is Better Than a Root Canal

I recently got a crown. We all know there only a few ways to get a crown at my age. Taking your chances with “food” from Burger King. Getting swept ...
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Rules for Being Meredith

RULES FOR BEING MEREDITH Handed Down From Current Writing Software 1. You will receive a body. You will find said body to be too skinny during adolescence and too bottom ...
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Hey Mom and Dad, Applying to College Is Killing My Mojo

I have a vague recollection of my life before I was applying to college. There was this magical thing called free time. We had other things to talk about. My ...
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The Middle Aged Unwanted Hair Battle

Unwanted hair. Yup. We are going there. The battle is real and it's daunting and it's not just happening to women. So men, this is not the time to bounce. ...
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Open Letter To My Kids About Summer

Hey Kids, Feel free to leave your stuff wherever you want this summer. Half drunk smoothies in the family room? No problem. I got it. Socks in the hall. I'm ...
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Vacation or Trip? A Helpful Guide for Parents

So, you’re headed out on a family vacation this summer. Great news! But are you sure? Are you sure it’s a vacation? You might want to think about that for ...
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The Hair Pulling Madness of the Campus Tour

I was a tour guide in college. I worked in admissions. I’ve consulted with students applying to college. I know campus tours. I believe in campus tours. My advice has ...
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Cheating Death: 30 Years of Borrowed Time

We weren’t doing anything wrong. We weren’t drinking or doing drugs. We were good kids hanging out on the last night of summer. But that Sunday night of Labor Day ...
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33 Self-Improvement Thingees to Read and Then Quickly Forget

I don’t know about you but I’m overwhelmed by all of the numerical lists that have somehow found the exact number of things I need to do...or to give up...or to ...
Read More

The Night I Became "That Parent"

You know how when you were growing up you said you’d never be like one of those out of touch parents? Even when you had your kids you vowed you’d ...
Read More

We Means You

There’s an age-old trick in the conversations of married couples dating back to the days of ancient hieroglyphics, probably. It is so simple, so subtle, so cunning, it mostly goes ...
Read More

September is the Worst

Not to be totally paranoid, but I’m pretty sure September is trying to kill me. Forget December and the holiday madness, there is something worse. It’s called, Back-to-School and it ...
Read More

The Default Parent™

Are you the default parent? If you have to think about it, you’re not. You’d know. Trust me. The default parent is the one responsible for the emotional, physical and ...
Read More

Things I Want To Complain About That Make Me An Asshole

Years ago, we were living in a teeny tiny, can’t stand up straight upstairs, cape with barely two bathrooms, and we were redoing the one downstairs. I was talking to ...
Read More

Enjoy Every Minute of It? Do You Even Have Kids?

"Enjoy every minute of it" is the most well-meaning piece of parenting advice, and yet, the most ridiculously delusional. This sentiment is the hallmark of parents suffering from some kind ...
Read More

The Family Dinner Horror Show

I have never liked horror movies. It was one and done for me. I still can’t even think about the Exorcist without covering my ears and saying, “La, la, la, ...
Read More

Teenagers in the Mist

Nestled deep within the quiet suburban setting, we come upon the natural habitat of the complex human, known as The Teen. It is here this group of post-pubescent homo sapiens ...
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A Letter to My Friends on New Year’s Day

Dear Friends, It is the first day of the year and of course I want to wish you a Happy New Year. Happiness, the feeling of joy and contentment, is ...
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45 Years Old Isn’t the "New" Anything

Turns out 45 years old is just 45 years old. An age that means you are old enough to not feel young anymore, but not old enough to complain about ...
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Why I Wanted to Throw an Apple at My Husband’s Head for 20 Years

This is the somewhat true story of how my husband eating an apple in the car for twenty years nearly, but not really, led to our divorce. Let me start ...
Read More

Vacation Daddy

Something happens to my husband when we go on vacation. He turns into what we refer to as, Vacation Daddy. The normally sensible guy who makes everyone in the family ...
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The Modern Midlife Crisis

It's not your parents' midlife crisis. Hey, how’s your midlife crisis going? Mine’s great, thanks for asking. I can no longer read anything on my phone, my teeth are cracking ...
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