M.Blazoned

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Welcome to M.Blazoned

“M. is a good friend you never knew until now.” 

A fan wrote that comment on my Facebook page and I loved it. I wasn't organized to have a goal when I started blogging, but if I did, it would have been this. To feel like a friend you never knew until you read my blogs.

Life is crazy. Being human is challenging. Keeping up with your job, kids, relationship, and even your friends, can feel overwhelming at times. I hope my perspective can provide a little comic relief from both the mundane and the truly frustrating crap, so you know it's normal to both love your life and dream about packing a bag and running away.

I won't promise you much, but I promise you this. Whatever it is you think you are alone on, you're not. I write what's on my mind with lots of typos and a fair amount of swearing. I look for the honest hilarity in life, marriage, jobs, kids, and, reluctantly, being middle aged and share it with you in hopes it resonates and makes you laugh or think, or, hell, both.

Thanks for coming to my site, reading my words, and sharing them with your friends. Let's be weird blog friends. xo

M.

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Most Recent Blogs

I Tried the Fascia Blaster on My Cellulite

Okay, let’s get one thing straight. I am not getting paid for this. I’m not writing this on demand for the Fascia Blaster people. And my only financial interaction with them was the $89+tax and shipping I plunked down for this gizmo. And, before I reveal to you if it works, please know I’m not…

Escaping Your Inner Voice Captor

My inner voice is an asshole. For as long as I can remember, even as far back as elementary school, it taught me important things like, You’re not good at art. You suck a dodge ball. Your bangs are dumb looking. You can’t spell. But like a hostage with a diabolical captor, I didn’t know…

The Night I Became "That Parent"

You know how when you were growing up you said you’d never be like one of those out of touch parents? Even when you had your kids you vowed you’d never be so unoriginal and lazy that you’d rely on age-old parental drivel that doesn’t even make sense. There were even phrases you swore you…

The Hair Pulling Madness of the Campus Tour

I was a tour guide in college. I worked in admissions. I’ve consulted with students applying to college. I know campus tours. I believe in campus tours. My advice has long been to take official campus tours. Get a feel for the school when students are on campus. See a variety of settings and sizes.…

The Beautiful Maddening Contradiction of Teenagers

I happen to love teenagers. Both the ones I’ve worked with for years and, most of the time, my own. I know, I know. I thought I was supposed to loathe them too. It’s confusing. But, my dirty little secret is that I don’t. Dare I say, I kind of think they rule? This might…

Getting Honest is Better Than a Root Canal

I recently got a crown. We all know there only a few ways to get a crown at my age. Taking your chances with “food” from Burger King. Getting swept up in some RomCom-like plot where you discover you are the long lost royal heir to an obscure yet powerful nation. Winning a beauty contest.…

Vacation Daddy

Something happens to my husband when we go on vacation. He turns into what we refer to as, Vacation Daddy. The normally sensible guy who makes everyone in the family insane with his calculated overthinking on everything from how much toilet paper should be used, to the exact dollar amount needed for comfortable retirement is…

September is the Worst

Not to be totally paranoid, but I’m pretty sure September is trying to kill me. Forget December and the holiday madness, there is something worse. It’s called, Back-to-School and it happens in September and every year I barely survive it. You never see the hell of September coming. You are so overjoyed the kids are…

Cheating Death: 30 Years of Borrowed Time

We weren’t doing anything wrong. We weren’t drinking or doing drugs. We were good kids hanging out on the last night of summer. But that Sunday night of Labor Day weekend 30 years ago ended in a way we never could have predicted. It was eight kids in a Toyota pick-up truck versus an unforgivably…

Vacation or Trip? A Helpful Guide for Parents

So, you’re headed out on a family vacation this summer. Great news! But are you sure? Are you sure it’s a vacation? You might want to think about that for a minute. Because a vacation is best described as time away from a job and/or the monotony and frustrations of day-to-day life with the goal…

M.'s Favorite Blogs

Parenting from the Couch

Forget Tiger Moms and Helicopter Parenting and the latest parental wackiness I’m coining, Fighter Jet Escort Parenting, a disturbing mutation ...
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Buddhist Compassion and Metaphorical Face Punching

My philosophy of life is somewhere in between Buddhist compassion and metaphorical face punching. Not actually hitting someone in the ...
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The Middle Aged Unwanted Hair Battle

Unwanted hair. Yup. We are going there. The battle is real and it's daunting and it's not just happening to ...
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M.Blazoned Freaks Out Watching Cyst Removal Video

My husband watched this video of a woman removing a cyst from her boyfriend's face and said he almost threw ...
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The Six Fighting Words All Couples Know and Hate

After being married for two decades, I’ve noticed a couple of things about arguing with my husband. Probably the most ...
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The Default Parent™

Are you the default parent? If you have to think about it, you’re not. You’d know. Trust me. The default ...
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The Default Parent Resume

Resumes are kind of my thing. My entire career has been evaluating applicants on their professional experience, but lately it occurs ...
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Cheating Death: 30 Years of Borrowed Time

We weren’t doing anything wrong. We weren’t drinking or doing drugs. We were good kids hanging out on the last ...
Read More

33 Self-Improvement Thingees to Read and Then Quickly Forget

I don’t know about you but I’m overwhelmed by all of the numerical lists that have somehow found the exact number ...
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I Tried the Fascia Blaster on My Cellulite

Okay, let's get one thing straight. I am not getting paid for this. I'm not writing this on demand for ...
Read More

End of School Madness is Upon Us

Did I say September was the worst? I might have to retract that and put May in the top spot. ...
Read More

Getting Honest is Better Than a Root Canal

I recently got a crown. We all know there only a few ways to get a crown at my age. ...
Read More

Open Letter To My Kids About Summer

Hey Kids, Feel free to leave your stuff wherever you want this summer. Half drunk smoothies in the family room? ...
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A Letter to My Friends on New Year’s Day

Dear Friends, It is the first day of the year and of course I want to wish you a Happy ...
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The Night I Became "That Parent"

You know how when you were growing up you said you’d never be like one of those out of touch ...
Read More

M.Blazoned’s Ridiculous 2016 Book List

Like all good bloggers, I’d like to share with you my favorite reads of the year because I read a ...
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Big Picture Parenting

You ever wonder if you are doing a good job raising your kids? Ever worry that all of your ideas ...
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To the "Not to be nitpicky, but…" People

Someone started a comment to one of my blogs with, “Not to be nitpicky, but…” and then, shocker, went on ...
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The Beautiful Maddening Contradiction of Teenagers

I happen to love teenagers. Both the ones I’ve worked with for years and, most of the time, my own. ...
Read More

Hey Mom and Dad, Applying to College Is Killing My Mojo

I have a vague recollection of my life before I was applying to college. There was this magical thing called ...
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Rules for Being Meredith

RULES FOR BEING MEREDITH Handed Down From Current Writing Software 1. You will receive a body. You will find said ...
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The Wubble Bubble Ball

Remember Happy Fun Ball from Saturday Night Live’s greatest commercials? “It’s Happy Fun Ball…Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate ...
Read More

Vacation or Trip? A Helpful Guide for Parents

So, you’re headed out on a family vacation this summer. Great news! But are you sure? Are you sure it’s ...
Read More

The Hair Pulling Madness of the Campus Tour

I was a tour guide in college. I worked in admissions. I’ve consulted with students applying to college. I know ...
Read More

Vacation Daddy

Something happens to my husband when we go on vacation. He turns into what we refer to as, Vacation Daddy. ...
Read More

So, I’m Going to Freakin’ India!

So, I’m going to India. Such a simple sentence but I can assure you there has been nothing simple about ...
Read More

Teenagers in the Mist

Nestled deep within the quiet suburban setting, we come upon the natural habitat of the complex human, known as The ...
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Escaping Your Inner Voice Captor

My inner voice is an asshole. For as long as I can remember, even as far back as elementary school, ...
Read More

Hamilton Tickets: The Dumbest, Best Money We’ve Ever Spent

Have you heard about Hamilton? The run-away smash hit musical currently dominating all of Broadway and the minds and heart ...
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Enjoy Every Minute of It? Do You Even Have Kids?

"Enjoy every minute of it" is the most well-meaning piece of parenting advice, and yet, the most ridiculously delusional. This ...
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45 Years Old Isn’t the "New" Anything

Turns out 45 years old is just 45 years old. An age that means you are old enough to not ...
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The Modern Midlife Crisis

It's not your parents' midlife crisis. Hey, how’s your midlife crisis going? Mine’s great, thanks for asking. I can no ...
Read More

September is the Worst

Not to be totally paranoid, but I’m pretty sure September is trying to kill me. Forget December and the holiday ...
Read More

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